Personal Development - The Antonym of Chronic Workplace Stress

Did you know that each week, ~500,000 employed Canadians are unable to go to work due to mental health challenges (Canadian Psychological Association, 2024)?

Or that we lose ~4000 Canadians to suicide each year, with just over half of them being lost from the workforce (CDC and Statistics Canada, 2017 and lots of Math)?

How about the fact that mental health claims in Canada account for almost 50% of short- and long-term disability claims costs (Sunlife Canada, n.d.)?

Here's one that really stuck with me, though...

Did you know that 62% of workers identify work as their main source of stress (CCOHS, 2017)?

My daily stressors come from having three children, two in their pre-teen and early teen years and the sheer volume of "I don't care..." or "Geez... can I just have a minute..." or "You're so cringe..." that comes out of them is enough to pop your top. That combined with trying to keep up with the freaking laundry, half of which I'm sure is still clean and was never put away, with the dirty dishes, with having to make supper every single night... LIKE, why do I have to feed them every night! And I've got an incredible husband who is way better with the housekeeping than I am and who is every bit a partner in parenting, but between getting their lazy arses out of bed for school, taking them to their sports, harping on them to do their chores, and the rest of the lot - Imagine feeling all of that as being the lesser part of your daily stress.

And it's not just kids - we've got workers out there who are taking care of elderly parents, or caring for sick loved ones, or have taken on the responsibility for someone else's children, those who are boarding animals trying to help them find a furever home, or who feel alone, or those who can't keep up with the bills, or those who feel completely lost in their day to day living, and the list goes on and on. There's so much coming down on us in our daily lives that work should absolutely NOT be a primary stressor, and certainly not to the majority.

But this isn't new information. Work has been a leading cause of stress for many, for a very long time. It's certainly an issue that's become more widely accepted and understood over the past decade or so, and while this is true, we haven't really seen a lot of change to help mitigate this sad reality.

About two decades ago, we started hearing about "Worker Wellbeing" and "Employee Wellness" initiatives. Most of these initiatives involved offering 'thank you' pizza lunches or BBQs during the workday, a few times per year. Or, conducting a "Wellness Day" where workers could experienced different wellness activities throughout the day, and sometimes we even saw wellness bonuses or a wellness day off that workers could use at their discretion. While these advantages seemed like a great idea, research has demonstrated that they've done very little, if anything, to actually impact worker wellbeing. The reason for this, is because they are superficial fixes to a deep rooted issue.

Most workplace stress originates from workers not feeling' as though their underlying psychological needs are being met in the workplace. Those feelings typically arise from being overworked, unrecognized, micromanaged, taken advantage of, untrained or incompetent, bored, disrespected, gaslit, unseen, and unheard in their position. A pizza party, wellness day, or extra days off simply remove you from the environment where you're made to feel 'not enough' for a moment, and then return you to the hole of despair as soon as they're done. Sure, the time away may have felt great, but as soon as you return to the avoidant leader who isn't holding people accountable, or the incompetent leader who takes credit for your work, or the toxic work crew who sarcastically harass everyone new - well, the nervous system goes right back into the protection mode that's initiated by chronic stress and feelings of not being safe.

So, what can we do to help prevent this?

Firstly, organizational leaders MUST start getting involved in fixing this issue. And they should want to because mental health and wellbeing struggles are costing Canadian businesses more than $6 billion annually. Even if we didn't consider the moral and legal obligations that employers have to their workers physical and psychological health and safety, the financial benefits alone make it worthwhile for any employer to develop a culture of authentic psychological health and safety. This can't be done superficially though. A culture is created by the beliefs and behaviors that are demonstrated and accepted by the leaders in the organization - meaning, if employers don't start by developing the emotional intelligence and behavioral skills and abilities of their leaders, they're not going to make meaningful change for workers.

Secondly, workers need to work on themselves, because no one else can create wellness for them if they haven't done the internal work themselves. All humans have underlying psychological needs, that if unmet, will cause them to feel unhappy, stressed, or less than.

When we are born, we all have a set of innate needs that are hardwired into our psyche, some to help us survive (fight, flight, freeze, for example), and some designed to help us thrive (the need for autonomy, competence, and connection).

We have an innate need for autonomy - in other words, we have to feel as though we have a sense of control over our decisions and actions.

We have an innate need for competence - we must feel as though we have the knowledge, experience, skill, and ability to meet the demands of our daily and work tasks.

We have an innate need for connection - this is one of the major inborn needs that is lacking these days, which is the underlying need for us to feel as though we belong, that we are accepted, and that we are connected to those around us.

This is where personal development comes in, and again, one of the main answers lies in developing our own emotional intelligence (EQ).

EQ is gained by enhancing our self-awareness and really coming to know and accept our strength and limitations.

In developing emotional regulation by being able to name and process our emotions. By having the skills and abilities for empathy and self-motivation, and finally, by gaining a social awareness that helps us perceive the unspoken communication, social norms, and accepted practices of any situation.

While a poor organizational culture has the capacity to strip my feelings of autonomy in my work, if I've developed my own EQ, it cannot take away my feelings of control over my decisions and actions as to how I'll manage the situation. With a high level of EQ, while I may have a boss who attempts to gaslight me or make me feel less than, I have the sense of self, emotion regulation, and empathy that allows me to hear their words without feeling a need to own them. And if I have a place where I belong and feel accepted, I'm not left feeling alone and disconnected, even if I don't get this from my workplace. Now, if I'm being completely honest, what I've noticed is that when people are working in organizations, or for teams, whereby the culture leaves something to be desired, once they work on their internal stuff, they rarely stay at such companies. Because once they learn to value themselves, they're no longer run by fear and they gain the confidence to find a place where they will be valued. This is why toxic bosses and/or organizations often see higher levels of turnover, absenteeism, and loss of skills workers.

Bottom line, if you're one of the 62% of workers who feel that work is your main source of stress - you can sit around and wait for your organizational leaders to do something about it (in my experience, most want to help, but aren't yet willing to put the resources into what's actually needed), or you can take it upon yourself to develop you. Find a life coach, an EQ Coach, or a good therapist and do the internal work of gaining the knowledge, skills, and abilities necessary to ensure your underlying psychological needs are met. You can't imagine the freedom that's offered when you feel a genuine sense of autonomy, competence, and connection. It's life-changing and worth every ounce of effort that went into it! Good luck on striving to become better today, than you were yesterday.

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