It's Not Normal to Want to Kill Yourself

It’s not ‘normal’ to want to kill yourself, or to believe that the world would be a better place without you in it. I don’t use the word ‘normal’ very often because I have come to understand that most things people consider normal, are actually just common, or comfortable. The reason I use it in this case, however, is because as a species, we have evolved to survive. Throughout evolution of the homo-species, and long before consciousness came onto the scene, we have been driven by a need for survival of the species, a fact which holds true today. Evolution is driven by a combination of genetic variation, natural selection, and environmental factors, and does not involve conscious decision-making by individuals within the species. If that’s the case, then why are we seeing such large incidents of suicide even though our species continues to be driven by the evolutionary need to survive?

Because suicide is not a conscious act – it is impacted by social and economic factors, mental health stigma, isolation and loneliness, mental health disorders, changes in cultural norms, traumatic experiences, media influence, and access to lethal means. If suicide is not a conscious act, then how do these factors influence the act of suicide?

Because suicide is an unconscious act – and each of these factors places a stress on the unconscious nervous system, and not the conscious one. The autonomic nervous system that governs all the unconscious responses within the human body becomes physiologically burdened as a response to the stress caused by exposure to all the factors listed above. In other words, when we are exposed to a stressor, and we don’t have the coping and resilience skills that allows us to process and release the stress in a healthy manner, it physically changes our autonomic nervous system, and how it functions.

Stress, Trauma... and Impulsive Behaviour

The autonomic nervous system controls heart rate, breathing rate, blood pressure, pupil constriction and dilation, hormone and neurochemical development and release, and a whole lot more… all of which are impacted in involuntary responses to stressors. The ‘fight, flight, or freeze’ responses that we experience in times of danger, high stress, or trauma – these are also governed unconsciously by the autonomic nervous system. What about impulsive acts or behaviours? You guessed it – completely at the mercy of the autonomic nervous system which does not account for logic or consciousness.

While suicide rates across Canada were regularly decreasing by a rate of approximately 1.2% per year since the early 1980’s, that decrease plateaued in the first decade of the 21st century (Liu et al., 2021). This plateau changed only to see a rise from the average of 11 suicides per 100,000 population through plateaued years, to a height of 12.5 suicides through the years of 2013-2019, which seems to have dropped again since (Statistics Canada, n.d.).

I don’t think it’s a coincidence that this plateau occurred just a handful of years after social media was introduced to the world in 2002-2003 and that rates began to rise again about a decade after we began living in an overly social media influenced society.

While we may never have a quantifiable explanation for this decrease (which I, unfortunately, believe will be a ‘blip’ in the trends), I believe a key reason that we’ve seen a drop in suicide rates since the start of the COVID pandemic is because while it absolutely turned the world on its head and created stress and trauma for the masses, it also forced us to be home and to reconnect with our loved ones. Even though some of that connection was mediated through technology, it provided a much-needed pause in current day society for the human species to re-evaluate what and who was important in their lives, and to reconnect with other humans, physically and psychologically.

All the above is both a key reason for suicide, and the answer to continuing the downward trend in suicide rates across our country. Because without recognition that we must drastically change how we perceive and treat mental illness and disorder, I foresee those suicide trends starting to rise again in the very near future, on a similar trend to that which we saw just before the pandemic hit.

What Do You Mean, "We Must Change Perception and Treatment?"

Here’s what we must understand, accept, and focus on if we want to help save lives that will otherwise be taken by suicide:

1.       Physical touch and mental connection are an absolute necessity to maintain health and wellbeing.

2.       Without sufficient levels of physical touch, our autonomic nervous system becomes dysregulated and creates messy integration of neural pathways between brain and body. This is a physiological response and leads to issues in the autonomic nervous system’s ability to regulate all those automated, or involuntary actions, that it’s responsible for.

3.       Without sufficient levels of mental connection, our conscious nervous system doesn’t build the skills and abilities that are necessary to help us learn to cope with hardship, and to find resilience in times of stress. This lack of psychological skill development is what causes us to overburden the autonomic nervous system even more, because we don’t have the ability to process and release stress in a healthy manner.

What Can We Do?

If we want to meaningfully impact rates of suicide ideation, attempt, and death, there are two key things we must do:

1.       Integrate and Regulate. Ensure we, and our loved ones, have an integrated and regulated unconscious nervous system (autonomic nervous system). Neurosensorimotor reflex integration has been empirically demonstrated to offer neural integration. Find someone who specializes in neurosensorimotor reflex integration therapy, and work with them until you become regulated, and revisit for ‘touch up’ sessions when things begin to feel dysregulated.

2.      Build EQ Skills for Resilience. Recognize that the social context of our lives has changed significantly since the inception of digital technology and realize that to build those psychological coping and resilience skills, we must put the effort in by connecting with ourselves, and our loved ones, on a regular basis to build emotional intelligence. Every single unconscious and conscious response we have is in reaction or response to an emotion we had.

Emotional intelligence, coping ability, and resilience have been lost due to limitations in human contact and connection from a very young age. We need connection.

Only human contact and connection can re-establish and develop it. It’s not going to happen naturally because we’re much too addicted to technology, so we’ve got to put in constant effort if we want to make a change in our own mental health and wellbeing, and that of our loved ones. Particularly, our children.

That’s it.

Integrate the automatic and unconscious nervous system so we have clear connection and communication pathways between brain and body and develop the mental skills and abilities to get to know ourselves, and love ourselves, and learn to recognize, process, and manage the big emotions. Because otherwise, every time we are forced to deal with the big emotions, we become consciously overwhelmed causing our unconscious nervous system to evoke those protection and survival fight, flight, or freeze mechanisms, leading to repeated dysregulation of the autonomic nervous system.

Like it or not, the mind and body are a package deal. It’s time to start integrating and developing them both and it blows my mind-hole that this is not common practice for medical doctors, physical therapists, psychologists, psychiatrists, and the like… in the Western world. This type of treatment has been recognized and practiced in other countries for decades.

I still struggle to fathom that while the empirical peer-reviewed research is available, all our ‘health care’ related educational programs and practices continue to discount it, or aren’t even aware of it, and if I’m being honest, I’m not sure which reality is worse. Either way, as is the case with most of my clients, and those of my peer specialists, if you’ve tried everything else to help manage mental health issues, chronic stress, PTSD, trauma response, and general wellbeing, please reach out to me and book an appointment for nervous system integration and/or emotional intelligence training.

I know you may have no reason to trust me on this, but I can assure you, if you choose to, you’ll be happy you did! Thank you for reading, and I hope you'll join me again for some other blog posts, and to check out the services we offer that can help you gain some well integrated, and holistic balance in your life! Until next time, take care and stay well!

DO YOU NEED HELP RIGHT NOW?

If you ever find yourself struggling with your mental health to the point that you don’t feel as though you can manage, or you feel as though you may cause self-harm, please contact Talk Suicide, Canada, or a local suicide helpline, immediately. I’ve included links below for quick access to either.

Please know, you are worth it, and the world does need you in it even if you’re struggling to believe that in this moment.

Talk Suicide, Canada. https://talksuicide.ca/

International Suicide Hotlines. https://blog.opencounseling.com/suicide-hotlines/        

#suicideprevention #mentalhealthandwellness #suicideeducation #selfawareness #emotionalintelligence

References

Liu, L., Capaldi, C. A., Orpana, H. M., Kaplan, M. S, & Tonmyr, L. (2021). Changes over time in means of suicide in Canada: An analysis of mortality data from 1981 to 2018. Canadian Medical Association Journal, 193(10). https://doi.org/10.1503/cmaj.202378

Statistics Canada. (n.d.). Table 13-10-0801-01 Leading causes of death, total population (age standardization using 2011 population). https://www.suicideinfo.ca/local_resource/suicide-stats-canada-provinces/