Life is Messy: Welcome to Humans Being Human

Life is MESSY, and while social media posts do a great job of making it look clean, with perfect make-up, smiles, and poses, the reality is far from that to which we are constantly exposed these days. And this clash between the messy reality and our daily exposure to the ‘perfect illusion’ leaves us feeling uneasy and somewhat less than. Well I say “no more” to that.

I’m making it my mission to be very real out-loud, in an attempt to close the gap between what we are seeing and reading in social media, and what most of us are typically experiencing and feeling on a daily basis. It’s messy and it’s never ending.

I’d love to tell you that I’ve got it all together, but that would be a lie. Let me give you a sample from the day of Joan. Earlier this summer I had to make a cake for my sister’s birthday (it was supposed to look like her dog). My younger sister baked the cake (because it needed to be edible, and that’s not my forte), and I was to sculpt and decorate it.

The day of, I pressed snooze 6 times and woke up late because I watched

Netflix too long enjoying some peace after the kids were in bed. Tried my best at homeschooling the kids – wound up negotiating some iPad time if they’d just do some of their work. Had back-to-back meetings wearing my office appropriate shirt on top and my three day old sweat pants on bottom. Made the cake between meetings while listening to the kids tell me repeatedly that it looked nothing like Biscuit (my sister’s dog), and Aunty Tanya was better than me! Ran to the grocery store and noticed upon getting out of the car that I had icing in my hair and flour on my pants – too late to go back now. Got home (where I was supposed to have supper ready for BBQ) to find both of my sisters sitting in the driveway (socially distanced), drinking beer without me.

While hectic and messy, it was a great day and despite the weather, we had a great BBQ birthday celebration enjoying burgers, beer, and cake that indeed looked nothing like my sisters dog!

And this brings me to my purpose – it’s a fun story, and is a real and un-edited account of my day, but there are underlying pot-hole, road-block, and full on traffic accident type of events that truly dictate how each day unfolds.

ADHD, depression, Tourette’s, rotational camp work, relationships, COVID, irritability, fatigue, defiance, OCD, fear, country living, tears, loneliness, therapy, indecision, and a whole gamut of other factors that must be regularly considered, accounted for, and/or overcome, to simply make it through the day in one piece.

It’s a lot. And based on what I’m hearing and seeing around me, I’m not the only one trying to navigate and keep afloat in the messiness. Fortunately, what I’ve learned this year, is

If you learn some basic cognitive, social, and emotional skills to help you manage the hard times, it’s a lot easier to enjoy the good ones.

Somehow though, despite all the ‘messy,’ I find myself feeling better in recent months than I have in years. And I think I feel better because I’ve gained a deeper understanding of myself, what’s happening within and around me that contributes to how I feel, and I’ve developed some skills and abilities to help me manage all of the chaos. Skills and abilities that I hadn’t realized were necessary, or that they were missing from my repertoire.

For the past 15 years, I’ve been working in a profession that’s dependent on understanding human behavior and the intricacies of building interpersonal relationships. I’m also 2.5 years into my Ph.D. in Developmental Psychology trying to better understand why we are the way we are, and why we do the things we do. In the past 3 years I’ve been diagnosed and treated for both ADHD and depression, changing my entire perspective and outlook on life. And I want to share my experience, knowledge, and insight into human behavior, growth and development, in hopes of helping others.

I feel as though we’ve lost connection with ourselves, our neighbors, and our communities – and not just due to COVID isolation. Technology, social media, and the fast pace of life made things messy long before the pandemic. Sure, sometimes people suck, and sometimes we suck too.

But I’m banking on the fact that if we all become just a little more self-aware, and develop just a little more empathy for the unseen struggles being faced all around us, we could all start to suck just a little less.

A step in the right direction toward helping us all evolve into our best selves – becoming better today, than we were yesterday. What a world it could be if we all joined forces and simply worked to become better today!

I hope you’ll join me from time to time in my blog, to engage in the messiness of life and the underlying psychological connections that make us the people we are – and learn how we can grow new pathways to become the people we strive to be!

Thank you for reading, and I hope you'll join me again for some other blog posts, and to check out the services we offer that can help you gain some well integrated, and holistic balance in your life! Until next time, take care and stay well!