Developing Your EQ is WORTH IT!

I just finished a great round of training sessions over the past two weeks, focusing on EQ, and where to start in your learning and development. I almost always start with Self-Awareness - because if we don't know who we are, how do we expect anyone else to connect with us on a meaningful level?

I'm going to hit you up with a great question I use when engaging with new EQ Coaching Clients, to start the Self-Awareness journey... feel free to consider the question and write down your answer before reading through the remainder of this post. The realization that came from this thought process, back when I was struggling with my own mental health and personal clarity, was life altering!

Question: Who are you? Describe yourself to me.

Don't overthink it - simply answer with a couple sentences, first things that come to mind about you, as you would if you were meeting a new group of people in a training session, in the workplace, or in a new hobby group.

After writing your answer down, carry on reading!

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Once clients have answered the question, I review their response to identify if they've tied any external values or sources to their sense of selves (For the record, most of us do. Society has reinforced this externally validated sense of self since childhood. You're not alone in it, I can assure you).

Review your own answer, and highlight or circle any external variables (for example, anything that could be taken away from you, including your family, your home, your job, your business, your gardening or bicycling pastimes - anything in your response that you ultimately have no control over).

Once I've done this, I ask my clients again (and I do preface it with the fact that I recognize that this question might be a little morbid), "If all of your people and things were taken away from you, you're no longer a mother/father or spouse/partner, you're job is taken away, you can no longer ride that bike or tend to that garden... Who are you?"

Most people tend to look at me with a blank, but understanding stare - one that says, "I see where you're going with this, but I have no answer to give you."

If you answered the question with very little tie to external variables, you probably wouldn't struggle as much to answer the second question, and I'm suspecting that you also probably find yourself with a higher level of wellbeing than many others in your life. Because when we learn to tie our sense of self to our internal values, NO ONE CAN EVER TAKE THAT AWAY FROM US.

Me. I. My Sense of Self. That is the only thing I truly have control over in this world.

If goodness forbid I were to lose my children and husband, my home, my job, my business, my pool, and all the rest of the external variables I could tie my worth to - I can still choose to have integrity. I can still choose to show empathy to myself, and those around me. And I can still choose innovation over stagnation.

When I answer the question, "Who am I?" I answer, "I am a person who will always strive to act with integrity. I choose empathy over judgement because I believe it's the basis of humanity, and I love to innovate, grow, and develop whenever possible." Not a typical response to such a question in a party group, I know! But it's real, it's who I am, and knowing who I am helps me believe, decide, and behave in a manner that allows me to feel good about myself, and to connect authentically with everyone around me.

Emotional Intelligence involves the ability to identify, understand, process, and respond to our emotions in a thoughtful and meaningful way - while also being able to perceive and positively influence the emotions of those around us. It includes skills and abilities of self-awareness, emotion regulation, empathy, motivation, and social awareness. And it is directly tied to enhanced levels of mental health and wellbeing, in addition to higher levels of performance and achievement.

So, as I said when we started this conversation, developing your EQ is worth it! If you want to learn more, register for our upcoming Emotionally Intelligent Leadership course, or book an EQ Assessment and Coaching session with me! It's worth it!

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